Long, Hard, and Full of Seamen

A shallow memoir from the depths

I can neither confirm nor deny the events that take place in this tale about life onboard a nuclear-powered submarine stationed in Hawaii. This book does not exist, and I was never here. In fact, you are just staring at your hands right now. Weirdo.

All characters are fictional composites based on real people.

CLICK HERE FOR DISCLAIMERS (aka don’t sue me)

: Full of Seamen
  • 1. Aloha
    “Ladies and gentlemen, as we begin our descent into Honolulu, please make sure that your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position, that your seat belt is securely fastened, and that all carry-on luggage is stowed underneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead compartment.” So far,… Continue reading 1. Aloha
  • 2. Be Sure to Wear Some Flowers in Your Hair
    I had gone to the USS San Francisco. “Request permission to come aboard.” I was speaking to the topside watch on the pier. Upon returning from an early dinner at the galley that evening, I found a note taped to my door at the Paquet Hall enlisted bachelors’ quarters.… Continue reading 2. Be Sure to Wear Some Flowers in Your Hair
  • 3. Three Hundred: Molon Labia
    “Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men; the other nine hundred and ninety-nine follow women.” Groucho Marx was right. Queen La Chiefa was one in a thousand and a natural leader of men. However, I only followed Chief Queen because I had to. Once he… Continue reading 3. Three Hundred: Molon Labia
  • 4. Dubious Flirtation
    The USS San Francisco was just hours away from getting underway. It was time for us to bring her to life. I was standing an Under Instruction watch in Engine Room Lower Level with Jay-Jay during the startup. We were just a couple of dudes in the Engine Room… Continue reading 4. Dubious Flirtation
  • 5. Two Fists in the Wind
    “Riding a motorcycle is the most fun you can have with your clothes on!” I’ve long since forgotten who had first imparted such wisdom to me, but I was about to put this statement to the test. You see, I was impatiently waiting at the last traffic light on… Continue reading 5. Two Fists in the Wind
  • 6. Kalikimaka Morning, Napunani Nights
    I suppose you do eventually get used to waking up with another man in your room. So used to it in fact, that when your eyes open up before your alarm goes off, once alert, you immediately stand poised to hit that fucker hard and fast so he doesn’t… Continue reading 6. Kalikimaka Morning, Napunani Nights
  • 7. Long, Hard, and Full of Seamen
    “DIVE! DIVE!” <AROOOOOT, AROOOOOT> “DIVE! DIVE!” The Chief of the Watch made those announcements over the 1MC ship-wide announcing circuit under orders passed from the Captain, to the Officer of the Deck, to the Diving Officer, and then finally to him. That COW-boy also sounded the modern digitized dive… Continue reading 7. Long, Hard, and Full of Seamen
  • 8. TMI
    Who controls reactor power? I was standing in front of Queen La Chiefa for my Engine Room Lower Level qualification interview when he asked me that question. This was before pulling into port during the last underway, and this was big time for me. I was being grilled for… Continue reading 8. TMI
  • 9. Wai Momi (part one)
    The world is my oyster! So many possibilities! Life is good! That’s what I thought when pulling back into port. My world with all these possibilities was pretty small, but that was fine with me. Once free, I really only thought about whatever the possibilities were for the three… Continue reading 9. Wai Momi (part one)
  • 10. Wai Momi (part two)
    I’m a loner. I ride alone. I drink alone. I sleep alone. (Maybe that last one wasn’t all that great.) But the point is, as a loner, I had limitless possibilities. Like I’ve been saying, it felt like the world was my oyster. Yet I’m not sure if I… Continue reading 10. Wai Momi (part two)
  • 11. Knowledge and Power
    “Droughton, front and center. Everyone else, dismissed.” “Crap,” I thought to myself, “What did I do this time?” It was best just to be honest with Queen La Chiefa because he knew everything. Oh yeah, he knew everything about the ship, plus he saw and heard everything going on… Continue reading 11. Knowledge and Power
  • 12. Sunny Day, Dark Knight
    “Hey Droughton, we saw you on your motorcycle Saturday heading out of Waikiki.” I was passing through the Mess Deck on my way to the Engine Room when some coners sitting at a table there stopped me. “Yeah, I was in Waikiki Saturday afternoon on the bike… so it… Continue reading 12. Sunny Day, Dark Knight
  • 13. Taking Casualties
    Coming eventually…

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